Living like it’s the last day! 

It’s been a rough month of trying to balance everything. It flew by, and seemed to drag past all at the same time. My Cowboy graduated from Kindergarten, I am preparing for a full summer of activities that the kidlets will like. (Fingers crossed!!!) Archer and Kitten survived state testing. All but my pepper plants are dead. (Ms. Black Tumb strikes again!) And Colt managed to scare not only his nurse and I, but poor Kitten too.

The weekend before Mother’s day, he had been in the hospital for a few days recovering from uncontrollable seizures. We got him home after a clean bill of health. He was home only five hours, when we had to take him back again. He couldn’t breathe! His O2 was terrible and he was so junky sounding. As a Mommy, when your baby can’t breathe, you almost can’t breathe. My hubby was at work, so Kitten rode with us up to the hospital. We barely got to check in, and they were calling a pediatric trauma alert for Colt. Kitten was so brave. She stayed facing the wall, and out of everyone’s way. She never cried or showed she was scared. I think I would have lost it if she hadn’t been there. Colt ended up with two IVs, x-rays, and deep suctioning all within the space of a few minutes.  Twelve medical professionals worked in tandem to help my baby. Even now, I can still remember the panic and the tight feeling in my chest and throat as I type this out. With all of his health and medical issues, that night is the first time in a long time that I had been afraid that I was going to lose my son. Colt and Archer had a birthday coming up in a week, and I had the awful thought that we could lose him before he even got to thirteen years old. Thank heaven above that Colt was stable a short while later! 

No parent should have to outlive their child, but it does happen. A small part of me is terrified of outliving my son, and another part knows that it will happen. It didn’t happen this time, and God willing, it will come much later from now. I know I’m not ready. I may never be.

Since this happened, we have been spending more time with each other. Watching crappy movies, laughing, cooking and baking, and taking joy in all of Colt’s moods. The other day, he out right yelled at his day nurse for trying to sing along to an Adele song. No one messes with his Adele!!! 😂 

We even braved a museum as a family. All the kids, Colt included, had fun. My hubby and I would’ve had a better time without the large group of screaming middle school kids there on a field trip… The twins got spoiled on their birthday and the kids even got mommy on her bike. Wow! Am I out of shape. It’s been a long time, but Kitten will not let me give up. My own little drill sergeant! The end of the school year is coming and I can’t wait to have as much fun with all my kidlets, as we can. Time snuggling with all my babies in the hammock, riding bikes, talking walks by the river, playing in the creek. Kitten has been making plans and talking about zip lining…

Whatever the summer has in store for us, bring it on.

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Author:

Hi, I'm Mags. I'm stay at home mommy of four. I cyber school three of my kids (yes I am crazy!), and my one son goes to a special class for children with multiple disabilities. It's a crazy, chaotic life, but it's my life.

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