Picky Little PeopleĀ 

For the last two weeks, I have had a little side project going. I, Miss Black Thumb, have been growing vegetables!!! I’m shocked that I got as far as I did. I have sugar pumpkins, zucchini, and tomatoes growing. Still waiting on the peppers, but they take a little more time to sprout. I think my kidlets think I’m nuts, but so what? I am doing this for me, and it feels pretty darn good! My hubby is Switzerland during this project. As long as I am not blowing tons of money, he is fine. I am really crossing my fingers about these veggies. It will be so nice the have fresh veggies to cook and bake with. Can’t wait for fresh pasta sauce and warm, yummy Zucchini Bread! I know the kids will think I’m brilliant then. All part of my evil plan…

My kiddos are junk eaters. No fast food meal is too gross! Cowboy snacks all day long, not ever bothering to finish a meal. Archer prefers Hot Pockets, and Kitten is all about the age old question, chicken or fish sandwich? She is not a beef or pork person. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but Archer and Cowboy are not fish people, or huge chicken fans. As far as they are concerned, “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner!” 

My only saving grace is that they do like veggies, but not all veggies. They are all broccoli fans, but you can only eat so much before you find yourself in the grocery store cringing as you put fresh, or frozen broccoli in the cart. At least they will eat asparagus, corn, potatoes, and carrots too. But only on special occasions, in certain meals. It is my hope that with fresh veggies that we grow ourselves, I can get them to broaden their tastes a bit. Maybe try new things. I have the spiralizer ready and the veggie inspired recipes waiting for our first picks of the season. Fingers crossed!!!

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Pipe Dreams…

Have you ever wished for something that was gone after you became a parent? What’s that old saying? “If wishes were horses?” Not sure but oh, do I have wishes, dreams, hopes… You get the idea.

As a mommy, and a special needs mommy, I never seem to have a minute to myself. With Colt, I need to be in the room for if and more likely when he has a seizure. This is my reality, and I have made peace with it. His needs are a lot more important than some of my own. We are lucky enough to have nursing for 18 hours a day during the week. It truly is a blessing. If he were my only kiddo, I could get so much done and enough sleep too! I miss uninterrupted sleep. I really do. Since Kitten was born, I have not gotten a full night of uninterrupted sleep. 

I may miss it, but I am not really complaining either. I wanted kids and mommies are notorious for not getting enough sleep. Time for myself, on the other hand? Yes, I complain loud and clear!!! I’m not asking much, just alone time to take a shower, or heaven forbid, use the toilet without one of my little darlings knocking at the door, or barging right in. Please! Just two minutes to allow mommy to pee in peace!!!!!!! 

I have to get either Kitten or Archer to watch Colt, make sure they know to watch for seizures, and how to suction him and swipe the magnet for his VNS implant to stop the seizures. I then have to try and sneak passed Cowboy and make for the bathroom. It is as pathetic as it sounds. Almost every time I do this, I get caught. The six-year old wants a snack, his big brother is being mean and won’t allow to snack he wants, he misses mommy and wants to come with me. The list goes on and on. The nursing helps, I can get some sort of sleep, maybe a quick shower after bedtime. But it seems the only time I am allowed bathroom time is when everyone is asleep. 

On top of this less then humorous comedy shtick, I cyber school Kitten, Archer, and Cowboy. They are in the house with mommy all day long. Luckily, my babies are rocking their school work. (Proud Mommy Dance!) I love having them home with me, but again, no private time. I even get one kiddo to watch Colt, and the other two seem to wait until that moment to find the need to chat with me. Sigh, I admit that it really is a small issue, but it is important to me… I even know that I’ll miss it when they move on and start their own lives, and have their own kiddos. I can only wish, hope, and dream that when that happens, they get their privacy stolen from them, like they stole mine from me! Hahaha!!!!šŸ˜‹

Where is the time going!?!

I started this blog with the promise to myself and my kiddos that I would write something at least once a week. I have failed miserably… Being a mommy is hard work. Even on a good day, I still feel like a headless chicken just running around, never sure of what I will collide with next. I know that as a mommy, no matter how hard you try, you are always hearing that voice. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that sounds like every grade school teacher that you have ever met, and your parents all rolled into one. It’s saying, “YOU CAN DO BETTER!” 
I really have come to despise that loud, judgemental voice. Us mommies are only one person!!! I know that my kidlets love me. It shows a few times a day. I just wish there was a way to silence the voice. Some sort of off button or mute button that can be smashed with a hammer and make it go away. 

With the birth of every one of my babies, I felt almost selfish. I wanted to be a mommy. I wanted for my kids, what I never had. Full blooded siblings. I love each and every one of my siblings, but we are so far apart in age that it’s hard to find a common ground. Something to bond over. Whether by fate, my subconscious plan, or God’s work, my kids have that bond! I feel guilty for having so many kids that they have to help each other, and am so thankful that they are so sweet, and loving towards each other. 

With Colt’s disabilities, I have come to rely on Kitten and Archer a lot for help with our little Cowboy. Colt is a full staff of full-time work all on his own. I use to joke with my hubby that each of our kids needed to be only children. They always seem to need that one thing at the same time for different reasons, ME!!! With health issues, medications, appointments, and broken promises, I curse myself everyday, multiple times a day. Why was I so selfish? Why did I have that desire for more babies? I can’t even begin to answer those questions, but I do know that just looking at them? I wouldn’t miss a minute of my crazy, busy, cuddlebugged life. I am their wacky, scatter-brained mommy, and so thankful for all the extra time and energy used up just trying to be there for them. I’m hoping I will be able to post more often now that things are starting to slow down a tiny bit. At least I can assure Kitten that I am keeping this promise, and taking some small amount of time to write for myself…

Until then, there is an angry six-year old complaining about the fact that because he didn’t eat his dinner, he will just die of starvation without a million and one snacks to get him through til breakfast.  Sorry Cowboy. No dinner, no snacks! That will go over well…